How did I end up here? I did everything the right way. I should be further ahead. Ahead of what? I don’t even know.
I went to school, pursued a career path, and even went back to school to pursue another path. I should be happy, but I feel empty and deflated.
This was the internal dialogue that led me to quit my job and take a self-imposed sabbatical. After years of grinding, chasing the elusive promise of external validation, I had hit a wall. Taking time off to think about my next career step was a first step, but after reintroducing daily walks, journaling, and hangouts with loved ones, I realized this wasn’t a classic tale of burnout. I was confronting my inner needs and desires for the first time in a while.
For a couple of years, I dug deep in this transformative process, and I started noticing that I wasn’t the only one. Professionals like Nyam Adodoadji, a former Bay Area tech professional, who are now dedicating themselves to guiding others through life transitions and personal evolutions. (Thankfully.)
I had the wonderful opportunity to connect with Nyam, talk about her experience, and give insight into this concept and period of reckoning many of us find ourselves in.
In Conversation with Nyam Adodoadji
JO: When does one know it’s time for transition, a personal evolution? How did your own story influence your decision to start a coaching practice?
NA: Everyone has their own moment of clarity re: when it’s time for a transition, but sometimes the catalyst is external. If the catalyst is internal, it could look like feeling bored, restless, or even listless. In my life, I’ve experienced the above as well as just having a subtle sense of curiosity about what’s next or even a sense that my time in a certain place has come to a close. External catalysts can feel tougher because they aren’t things one has necessarily chosen, like a divorce, a death of a loved one, or being laid off. All of a sudden then one has to reckon with an abrupt change, grief, and what it means to change and move forward. During my sabbatical, I experienced a lot of internal change. From that, I knew that I couldn’t go back to working in corporate America, but I also realized that I wasn’t ever going to find the work I wanted to do on a job board. I spent so many years trying to piece together an ideal work experience, but I had to grieve and accept, and then embrace, that I needed to create the work that I wanted to do in the world. I also realized that, while I learned so much as a product manager, I was ready to end that chapter of my career. I wanted to return to using my spiritual, creative, and leadership gifts that I hadn’t used in many years.
JO: How would you define a personal evolution?
NA: I think of it as human becoming, which is a different take than, for example, how a performance coach might describe it. The latter describes it as optimization and becoming the peak version of yourself, while I see it as who you become when you deepen your connection to your intuition and in response to the events of life that you can’t control. Personal evolution is who you become when you stop performing and instead embody what’s inside of you, which often causes a renegotiation of how you show up in the world and how you relate to others.
Personal evolution is who you become when you stop performing and instead embody what’s inside of you, which often causes a renegotiation of how you show up in the world and how you relate to others.
JO: What are the common themes you notice with mid-career professionals you work with that define their turning points?
NA: The folks I’ve encountered share some themes in their turning points:
Values misalignment with job or career that becomes intolerable
A personal health emergency or that of a loved one that causes them to re-evaluate priorities
They’re often folks who have achieved conventional success, but they’re more motivated by service, authenticity, integrity, curiosity, and creativity. That being the case, if their work doesn’t feel meaningful or ethical, if they feel disconnected from their personal lives, or when they realize how precarious health or life can be, it becomes unbearable for them. That awareness becomes a tipping point for them to reflect and take action.
JO: You have a quote on your website by Mary Oliver, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” A lot of your work involves individuals ready to face themselves and to do the work of self-reflection. What makes taking the challenging path worth it? What’s at stake?
NA: I often imagine being at the point of death after a long life. In that moment when I look back, what will I regret? What will I be grateful for? I’m no longer in the habit of doing hard things just because it’s more “noble” or builds character, but rather the challenging path is worth it if it means I had the courage to be more of my true self, and in turn, experience the joy and peace that comes from that. In Bronnie Ware’s “The Top Five Regrets of Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing,” she notes that one of the common regrets that people at the end of life mention is that they lived their lives for other people instead of doing what they wanted. I don’t want to come to the end and realize that I squandered all the richness of the experience of being human.
JO: What impact can these transformations have on someone’s career?
NA: The average person spends a third of their lives at work. Considering how much time is spent there, though, many people feel neutral or are outright unhappy with their work. These transformations give people the self-awareness to realize they want something different and the courage to embrace their agency to choose and experiment instead of just tolerating a career that’s unsatisfying.
The Courage to Take the First Step
During my sabbatical and the many life transitions and events that ensued, I reintroduced myself to myself. With an uncomfortable shedding of ‘shoulds’ and performative personas, I have spent the past couple of years designing a full life. Although it sounds idyllic, it’s one of the most radical acts I have ever taken. It has required going against the grain of societal expectations and being okay with many not understanding. From where I’m sitting, though, I feel pretty good about my decisions.
What do you value? What do you want your life to be shaped by? What defines you? These are some of the toughest yet liberating questions you can begin to ask yourself.
Special thanks to Nyam for her time and wisdom - you can learn more about her work and contact information below.
With love,
Jo
About Nyam Adodoadji
Now a somatic and personal evolution guide, Nyamwathi (Nyam) Adodoadji formerly worked as a tech consulting professional leading digital product delivery for past clients such as Kia, Visa, and LGE. The pandemic, however, forced her to confront a 14-year cycle of crushing workloads, unsupportive managers, and burnout.
Discovering others who used career breaks to redirect their life trajectories, she took her own one-year career break in 2022, in which she traveled to Mexico, Portugal, Ghana, Colombia, and Spain. Through her sabbatical, she sifted through her pain to craft a mosaic of her life’s broken pieces and learned the power of her body’s wisdom. Two years later, she launched a personal evolution coaching venture to help mid-career creative, curious corporate professionals access their inner wisdom and somatic intelligence during transitions and thresholds.
Spending 14 years in the San Francisco Bay Area as a poet and vocalist, she performed throughout the area. Her performance credits include appearances at The Continental, San Jose Museum of Art’s annual poetry invitational, and being a featured poet at San Jose’s Live Lit Writer’s Open Mic. In addition, she’s an alumnus of the Multicultural Arts Leadership Institute (MALI) and Interdisciplinary Writer’s Lab (IWL).
To learn more about her work and story, connect with her at nyamadodoadji.com or via LinkedIn (linkedin.com/in/nyamado/) or Substack (shespeakssoftly.substack.com).
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